OOF story ?-? : New server

[Pandeee]

Next:https://brokenlens.xyz/forums/threads/story-new-friend.57785/

Woahh this is so clean for a server named Brokenlens I thought as I scanned the area, there was a big tree with a big mansion like building. There were some people, whom oddly dissappeared as they tapped the people standing on pedestals.

“Salutations new player!” Said a snow golem that suddenly popped up infront.
“I am the watcher and out of my kindness ill give you a quick overveiw of Brokenlens!”
Quickly handing me a book and prodded me around the tree. Yeesh its so pushy
“All the entities on the pedestals are NPCs you can tap to join a minigame.” The watcher pointed to an NPC, “this one goes to MurderMystery its our most popular minigame by far!” I saw many players were crowding around it and dissappearing. “Oh! I must leave now I cant neglect my duties for too long!” said the watcher. “What ‘duties’?” I asked confused, “You dont seem like you do anything.” “I do the most important job there is, making sure players play fairly by tracking down any mods people have downloaded!” exclaimed the watcher. “Oh my I must leave now or ill be taken into repairs again!” and the watcher dissappeared leaving a mound of snow. “Hey there! I see your a newbie” said some random person as I turned to see them.

Do you think I should continue this?
If so vote in the poll
If people want me to continue ill also need someone to be the random person to greet deh new player soooo whoever replies first with their skin gets to be drawn for the next featured picture! There will be new people so everyone gets a chance if they are quick.

 

[deleted_user_2435]

Where's the[ No] option?

View reply.

 

[PrinceBuilder]

Woahh this is so clean for a server named Brokenlens I thought as I scanned the area, there was a big tree with a big mansion like building. There were some people, whom oddly dissappeared as they tapped the people standing on pedestals.
View attachment 88722
“Salutations new player!” Said a snow golem that suddenly popped up infront.
“I am the watcher and out of my kindness ill give you a quick overveiw of Brokenlens!”
Quickly handing me a book and prodded me around the tree. Yeesh its so pushy
“All the entities on the pedestals are NPCs you can tap to join a minigame.” The watcher pointed to an NPC, “this one goes to MurderMystery its our most popular minigame by far!” I saw many players were crowding around it and dissappearing. “Oh! I must leave now I cant neglect my duties for too long!” said the watcher. “What ‘duties’?” I asked confused, “You dont seem like you do anything.” “I do the most important job there is, making sure players play fairly by tracking down any mods people have downloaded!” exclaimed the watcher. “Oh my I must leave now or ill be taken into repairs again!” and the watcher dissappeared leaving a mound of snow. “Hey there! I see your a newbie” said some random person as I turned to see them.

Do you think I should continue this?
If so vote in the poll
If people want me to continue ill also need someone to be the random person to greet deh new player soooo whoever replies first with their skin gets to be drawn for the next featured picture! There will be new people so everyone gets a chance if they are quick.

O my god pls continue this. I really like it pandeee !!!

View reply.

 

[HermioneJG]

Ooh continue!

I could be the person, if you want. Pretty sure you should know my skin (actually, have you ever seen it? Well you know my name so...) but if you need I'll give a picture

View reply.

 

[Pandeee]

Ooh continue!

I could be the person, if you want. Pretty sure you should know my skin (actually, have you ever seen it? Well you know my name so...) but if you need I'll give a picture

Yeah ill still need a skin to pull colors from

View reply.

 

[Klassux]

Woahh this is so clean for a server named Brokenlens I thought as I scanned the area, there was a big tree with a big mansion like building. There were some people, whom oddly dissappeared as they tapped the people standing on pedestals.
View attachment 88722
“Salutations new player!” Said a snow golem that suddenly popped up infront.
“I am the watcher and out of my kindness ill give you a quick overveiw of Brokenlens!”
Quickly handing me a book and prodded me around the tree. Yeesh its so pushy
“All the entities on the pedestals are NPCs you can tap to join a minigame.” The watcher pointed to an NPC, “this one goes to MurderMystery its our most popular minigame by far!” I saw many players were crowding around it and dissappearing. “Oh! I must leave now I cant neglect my duties for too long!” said the watcher. “What ‘duties’?” I asked confused, “You dont seem like you do anything.” “I do the most important job there is, making sure players play fairly by tracking down any mods people have downloaded!” exclaimed the watcher. “Oh my I must leave now or ill be taken into repairs again!” and the watcher dissappeared leaving a mound of snow. “Hey there! I see your a newbie” said some random person as I turned to see them.

Do you think I should continue this?
If so vote in the poll
If people want me to continue ill also need someone to be the random person to greet deh new player soooo whoever replies first with their skin gets to be drawn for the next featured picture! There will be new people so everyone gets a chance if they are quick.

OMG I love it.

View reply.

 

[Fheonix]

Woahh this is so clean for a server named Brokenlens I thought as I scanned the area, there was a big tree with a big mansion like building. There were some people, whom oddly dissappeared as they tapped the people standing on pedestals.
View attachment 88722
“Salutations new player!” Said a snow golem that suddenly popped up infront.
“I am the watcher and out of my kindness ill give you a quick overveiw of Brokenlens!”
Quickly handing me a book and prodded me around the tree. Yeesh its so pushy
“All the entities on the pedestals are NPCs you can tap to join a minigame.” The watcher pointed to an NPC, “this one goes to MurderMystery its our most popular minigame by far!” I saw many players were crowding around it and dissappearing. “Oh! I must leave now I cant neglect my duties for too long!” said the watcher. “What ‘duties’?” I asked confused, “You dont seem like you do anything.” “I do the most important job there is, making sure players play fairly by tracking down any mods people have downloaded!” exclaimed the watcher. “Oh my I must leave now or ill be taken into repairs again!” and the watcher dissappeared leaving a mound of snow. “Hey there! I see your a newbie” said some random person as I turned to see them.

Do you think I should continue this?
If so vote in the poll
If people want me to continue ill also need someone to be the random person to greet deh new player soooo whoever replies first with their skin gets to be drawn for the next featured picture! There will be new people so everyone gets a chance if they are quick.

Oh my gawd i like this
CONTINUE THE STOREH

View reply.

 

[~Wolfie~]

Continue Plezzz and any room for me like as thy random person or is it taken already?

View reply.

 

[EVILBANANA12345]

Didn't know u just joined brokenlens after all this time

Lol jk

View reply.

 

[zzay]

You're* jk amazing story continue it

View reply.

 

[Lanima]

Woahh this is so clean for a server named Brokenlens I thought as I scanned the area, there was a big tree with a big mansion like building. There were some people, whom oddly dissappeared as they tapped the people standing on pedestals.
View attachment 88722
“Salutations new player!” Said a snow golem that suddenly popped up infront.
“I am the watcher and out of my kindness ill give you a quick overveiw of Brokenlens!”
Quickly handing me a book and prodded me around the tree. Yeesh its so pushy
“All the entities on the pedestals are NPCs you can tap to join a minigame.” The watcher pointed to an NPC, “this one goes to MurderMystery its our most popular minigame by far!” I saw many players were crowding around it and dissappearing. “Oh! I must leave now I cant neglect my duties for too long!” said the watcher. “What ‘duties’?” I asked confused, “You dont seem like you do anything.” “I do the most important job there is, making sure players play fairly by tracking down any mods people have downloaded!” exclaimed the watcher. “Oh my I must leave now or ill be taken into repairs again!” and the watcher dissappeared leaving a mound of snow. “Hey there! I see your a newbie” said some random person as I turned to see them.

Do you think I should continue this?
If so vote in the poll
If people want me to continue ill also need someone to be the random person to greet deh new player soooo whoever replies first with their skin gets to be drawn for the next featured picture! There will be new people so everyone gets a chance if they are quick.

I need to fix your story. I'll do some editing. This will probably have more "power" to your story.

My version:
"Wow this is so clean for a server named Broken Lens!" I thought as I scanned the area.
There was a big tree with a large column. There were some people, whom oddly dissappeared as they tapped the stable "statues."
"Salutations, new player!" a snow golem exclaimed as he came out of the blue, "I'm the Watcher and out of my kindness, I'll give you an brief overview of Broken Lens!"
The golem hastily handed me a book and prodded around the tree.
"Yeesh its so pushy!" I thought.
"All the entities on the pedestals are NPCs. You can tap on them to join a minigame." The watcher points to an NPC looking like a detective, "This one leads to Murder Mystery, our most popluar minigame by far!"
Many players crowded around it and vanished in thin air as they tapped the NPC.
The Watcher looked flabberghasted, "Oh! I must leave now! I can't neglect my duties or I'll be taken to repairs again!"
"Duties?" I confusely asked, "You don't seem like you do anything"
"I do the most important job there is: making sure all players play fairly by tracking down modified clients in use!" The Watcher looked shocked, again and dissapeared leaving a mound of snow.
A random guy came up to me, "Hey! I see you're a newbie"
I turned around and saw him.

View reply.

 

[Lanima]

a big mansion like building

Mansion like building? How about "column" because I'm pretty sure that's what you're talking about?

Where's the[ No] option?

Not in the poll of course

View reply.

 

[Pandeee]

Mansion like building? How about "column" because I'm pretty sure that's what you're talking about?

Not in the poll of course

i got too lazy to put a big desc owo

View reply.

 

[Pandeee]

I need to fix your story. I'll do some editing. This will probably have more "power" to your story.

My version:
"Wow this is so clean for a server named Broken Lens!" I thought as I scanned the area.
There was a big tree with a large column. There were some people, whom oddly dissappeared as they tapped the stable "statues."
"Salutations, new player!" a snow golem exclaimed as he came out of the blue, "I'm the Watcher and out of my kindness, I'll give you an brief overview of Broken Lens!"
The golem hastily handed me a book and prodded around the tree.
"Yeesh its so pushy!" I thought.
"All the entities on the pedestals are NPCs. You can tap on them to join a minigame." The watcher points to an NPC looking like a detective, "This one leads to Murder Mystery, our most popluar minigame by far!"
Many players crowded around it and vanished in thin air as they tapped the NPC.
The Watcher looked flabberghasted, "Oh! I must leave now! I can't neglect my duties or I'll be taken to repairs again!"
"Duties?" I confusely asked, "You don't seem like you do anything"
"I do the most important job there is: making sure all players play fairly by tracking down modified clients in use!" The Watcher looked shocked, again and dissapeared leaving a mound of snow.
A random guy came up to me, "Hey! I see you're a newbie"
I turned around and saw him.

I would make you my editor but then again
LAZINESSS ;D

View reply.

 

[Spike]

Choose me <3

View reply.

 

[HermioneJG]

Yeah ill still need a skin to pull colors from

Here

View reply.

 

[HermioneJG]

Mansion like building? How about "column" because I'm pretty sure that's what you're talking about?

Not in the poll of course

I'm pretty sure that mansions and columns are two completely different things, unless there's another meaning of column that I don't know. Isn't she describing the U-shaped building, with the clock and stuff?

I do things that things could maybe have been described a bit more... idk. Like, not spending too much time on them because we do know already, but maybe saying more of the features than 'big.' Sorry Pandee

View reply.

 

[Lanima]

I'm pretty sure that mansions and columns are two completely different things, unless there's another meaning of column that I don't know. Isn't she describing the U-shaped building, with the clock and stuff?

I do things that things could maybe have been described a bit more... idk. Like, not spending too much time on them because we do know already, but maybe saying more of the features than 'big.' Sorry Pandee

I searched up column
I searched up pantheon
It's more of a pantheon assuming the building she's talking about is that large building across the spawn location at the Main HUB where the LDBs for kills and wins are located.

View reply.

 

[HermioneJG]

I searched up column
I searched up pantheon
It's more of a pantheon assuming the building she's talking about is that large building across the spawn location at the Main HUB where the LDBs for kills and wins are located.

Oh yeah, that seems like the right word.

View reply.

 

[Zayn]

Woahh this is so clean for a server named Brokenlens I thought as I scanned the area, there was a big tree with a big mansion like building. There were some people, whom oddly dissappeared as they tapped the people standing on pedestals.
View attachment 88722
“Salutations new player!” Said a snow golem that suddenly popped up infront.
“I am the watcher and out of my kindness ill give you a quick overveiw of Brokenlens!”
Quickly handing me a book and prodded me around the tree. Yeesh its so pushy
“All the entities on the pedestals are NPCs you can tap to join a minigame.” The watcher pointed to an NPC, “this one goes to MurderMystery its our most popular minigame by far!” I saw many players were crowding around it and dissappearing. “Oh! I must leave now I cant neglect my duties for too long!” said the watcher. “What ‘duties’?” I asked confused, “You dont seem like you do anything.” “I do the most important job there is, making sure players play fairly by tracking down any mods people have downloaded!” exclaimed the watcher. “Oh my I must leave now or ill be taken into repairs again!” and the watcher dissappeared leaving a mound of snow. “Hey there! I see your a newbie” said some random person as I turned to see them.

Do you think I should continue this?
If so vote in the poll
If people want me to continue ill also need someone to be the random person to greet deh new player soooo whoever replies first with their skin gets to be drawn for the next featured picture! There will be new people so everyone gets a chance if they are quick.

+1

View reply.