DqrkMqtter
Notable Member
- Oct 15, 2017
- 1,316
- 10,151
This is all the funny jokes on the internet that I could find.
Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.
A guest calls the waiter and complains, “How come there are no chairs at our table?!”
The waiter shrugs, “I’m sorry but you only booked one table…”
I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.
I’ve been really depressed lately. A friend told me I should go to the petting zoo perhaps, to cheer up.
I went today, but not one person would stroke me.
She: I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go…
He: Just call in sick then.
A girl asks a boy: "Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, "Exactly!
A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.
A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”
Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”
Man: “Wow - so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?”
Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question?”
Why couldn’t Mrs. Dracula sleep properly?
Because of Dracula’s coffin.
Life Hack:
If you’re tired of waiting at a restaurant, just call their number and ask if they also deliver to table 16.
If you got herethan type in #ReadTheJokes for a free folow.
Hello doctor, can you look at my laptop?
Why?
It looks like it caught a virus.
The local minister sees that every morning, some apples on his tree are missing. He makes a sign:God sees everything.
The next morning, somebody writes under it: Yes, but he’s not a snitch.
What did the toilet roll complain about?
"People just keep ripping me off!"
What did one wall say to the other wall?
We’ll meet at the corner.
Teacher: "OK class, who will give me the chemical formula for water?"
Pupil: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What on earth are you on about?"
Pupil: "Well you said yourself yesterday it was H to O!"
You probably skipped all those corny jokes, if not, than congratulations to you ._.
Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.
A guest calls the waiter and complains, “How come there are no chairs at our table?!”
The waiter shrugs, “I’m sorry but you only booked one table…”
I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.
I’ve been really depressed lately. A friend told me I should go to the petting zoo perhaps, to cheer up.
I went today, but not one person would stroke me.
She: I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go…
He: Just call in sick then.
A girl asks a boy: "Peter, how much do you love me?"
The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."
The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, "Exactly!
A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.
A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”
Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”
Man: “Wow - so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?”
Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question?”
Why couldn’t Mrs. Dracula sleep properly?
Because of Dracula’s coffin.
Life Hack:
If you’re tired of waiting at a restaurant, just call their number and ask if they also deliver to table 16.
If you got herethan type in #ReadTheJokes for a free folow.
Hello doctor, can you look at my laptop?
Why?
It looks like it caught a virus.
The local minister sees that every morning, some apples on his tree are missing. He makes a sign:God sees everything.
The next morning, somebody writes under it: Yes, but he’s not a snitch.
What did the toilet roll complain about?
"People just keep ripping me off!"
What did one wall say to the other wall?
We’ll meet at the corner.
Teacher: "OK class, who will give me the chemical formula for water?"
Pupil: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What on earth are you on about?"
Pupil: "Well you said yourself yesterday it was H to O!"
You probably skipped all those corny jokes, if not, than congratulations to you ._.
