Pixie.

Honestly, even though I'm a boy, I really cried when I read it. I thought in this world, good isn't present anymore, and as I read this, I was mistaken, and I remember that my grandma died. She was very sweet, very helpful to the people, and very caring. She cared for all of her family members, even though she had a hard time. She died at the age of 94, and I was like having depression when she passed away. But, my depression days were over, and hopefully, Pixie (even though I haven't met her), she will be with you and your family. Pixie also inspired me to be like her. Never give up on my dreams, be nice, sweet and caring. My heart was melting when I read this and when I remembered the memories I had. God Bless To All of You.
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I never knew Pixie. I came here long after she left, and never got around to reading anything she wrote. She was always that one person who kept popping up in random places, the one person who i assumed had been here for a long time, made a lot of good friends. From what i've seen she was one of those people who are genuinely good inside and make people smile every day and take your heart. Those are the best kinds of people.

Three months ago, i thought one of my closest friends was dead for half an hour. Only half an hour, not even that long. That half hour was the worst pain i've ever felt. It felt like someone had ripped about half of my heart out. When i found out she was alive, it was the most relief i've ever felt, like someone had stiched the two halves back together. But for weeks, i kept on remembering the pain and suddenly beginning to hyperventilate before convincing myself that she was still here. It felt like there was a scar on my heart, and not metaphorically, i could feel exactly where it was. I can draw a picture of it. But after a few weeks, she said something that kind of ironically gained my hope back, and i began to forget the pain. I hope i'll never have to feel it again.

And that was only for half an hour. I can't even begin to imagine how much it hurts to have it for weeks and months and years. I can't imagine how much it hurts to have to keep reliving it. Every wound is different. Nobody can say that they've felt your pain like you have, because they haven't, they've felt their pain, and only you have felt your own. But no matter how bad it gets, just know that there are always people who are here for you. People who love you. People who loved Pixie with all their hearts, and will remember her for all of time. Be strong, don't let the sadness change how great you are, because you make an impact on the world. You already have.

I have a sister who's upstairs sleeping right now who will always be my best friend and the person i could never lose. I couldn't cry when my friend died, and that hurts me to this day. I might have been dehydrated or something; i always am. But i cried when i read this.
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Al0ha._.Fl0 said:
Excuse you, I didn’t start it
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flo can you please stop replying

the messages you send take away from this entire thing; someone died. get that into your mind, that someone who meant a lot to old & new players died. flo, ik you might say that people have hurt you before and i shouldn't be telling you to stop. but this is inappropriate for this thread. if you want to fight someone, fight someone. but not on this thread, people are actually sad here. it's insensitive.
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When I read this, it was before school and the bell had just rung to go to class and I literally froze. I went numb. I may not have not Pixie well but it was... so... heart breaking.

From the top of my head, the first time I spoke with Pixie is when Ray was "leaving" as an April Fools joke. She was honestly the most funniest, sweetest forums person I've ever seen. She seemed like that person everyone would want to be friends with. And I think most people did want to make friends with her.

And the most surprising thing was that I had gotten all that, from only a couple things she said.

It's really, so goshdarn unfair that she had to leave so soon. It's frustrating sometimes too since it seems that bad things happen to amazing people.

I can't even fathom the pain that her close friends and family have to go through...

She was the best person in the forums and she will never, ever be forgotten.

I hope you're doing swell, wherever you are, Pixie.

And Phoenix, that took a lot of courage and bravery, I'm proud. Stay strong and take care of yourself.
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I honestly cried a little while reading this. I have never met Pixie but she seems like an amazing sister and friend. I am so sorry for your loss. Stay strong. She will never be forgotten and will always stay in a safe place our hearts. <3
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I had no idea who Pixie is but I did saw her a couple of times before and I don't want to write anything too emotional bc I suck at writing but ignoring this when there's literally 4 pgs of sadness made me feel uneasy so I'm just gonna say rest in peace Pixie you were a terrific person and friend (from what I heard of) you will be missed forever (I suck at essays)
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I'm not an emotional person and I've never in my life cried because of something like this, but reading this actually made me cry a bit.

I know I'm late, but I was too overwhelmed and shocked to come up with anything to say. I kind of just froze and I had no words to say. I just don't know what to say. I mean, how do I comprehend the fact that Pixie is gone? I know she left for a while, but knowing this, is something else.

I know she told me that I was a great friend and all, but I wish I got the chance to talk to her and have a good conversation with her before this. I wish I got to tell her what I wanted to say and how more than amazing she.. not was, is. Because she may not be here but she will always be in our memories and hearts.

I'll never forget Pixie and her cheery, positive, overall wonderful personality. I bet in real life her laughs, smiles and jokes would light up the room. It's sad that someone that meant so much to many people had to go so early.

R.I.P Pixie.

I know this was short and probably not as meaningful as what other people said. But again, I was and still am shocked.
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Al0ha._.Fl0 said:
Bruh I ain’t taking as a joke omfg, IM SAYING LOL ONLY BECAUSE THIS PERSON SAID KNOW I NOW AND NOT NOW I KNOW OMFG LIKE... BRUH AND I KMOW BLAH NLAH PIXIE IS IMPORTANT OR WHAYEVER IS GOING ON BUT-IM-NOT-LAUGHING-BECAUSE-OF-THAT GOSH JEEZ U PPL ARE SO...OMFG
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just go and leave us. We don't need a reply, we just want you to go. Thanks.
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One Last Message. said:
Pixie.
My sister, my best friend.

-*- Do Not Read If Easily Upset -*-
​
Hello.

I don’t know how to start this, because I’d never expect in my whole 13 years of living that I’d have to write something like this. Relive something like this. All of the fibres in my body tell me not to, that I shouldn’t have to repeat the pain. The memories. The memories of her. The last memories of her.
The last memories of Pixie.
I know I have to, I know I must. She would have wanted it this way. She does want it this way. An explanation. Not because I care about this stupid site, but because I care about my friends, and Pixie’s friends here.

I may as well start from the beginning. I won’t be talking about how I feel. I barely feel anything anymore. So if this isn’t fücking “real” enough for you, if you think this is a pile of bullshit, I’m omitting my emotions, my thoughts, for the sake of preventing another mental breakdown, not for your benefit.
You’re welcome.

In case you don’t know me, I’m Phoenix. @PhoenixOrNah. I was introduced to this website by @Pixel. Pixie. My sister. Pixie was popular, although she never thought of herself like that. She had friends. Friends who I eventually befriended. She made memories here, she spent most of her free time here, she helped out, she cared for everybody, she gave everybody second chances, because she was Pixie, and Pixie was, and still is, beautiful inside and out. BrokenLens made an impact on her, and I think, maybe, just maybe, she made an impact here too.

Also, before I start, I apologise for how I acted. You may have seen I wrote nonsense everywhere, swears, everything on our joined account, before leaving. I was stressed. Confused. Angry. I still am. But I was idiotic to behave that way, I was grieving, I apologise.

I don’t really remember what happened. Whenever I try to remember, it’s just a blur. I don’t know exactly how it happened either. I don’t know why it had to happen to her. Of all people. Of all people in this shîthole of a world, where violence is second nature and negativity overrules the minds of people, she had to be the one to suffer.

If I get dates wrong, I am sorry. I really am.

October, 2017.
It was late. Maybe 6-7 at night. Nobody was fighting. I think we were actually enjoying ourselves for once, as a family. Mum, Pixie and me.
It’s weird, that night, the one distinct thing I remember is Pixie at the table, finishing homework while I ate dinner next to her. Her red pen kept running out, and I kept teasing her about it, and she got stressed out (she always colour coded her work, red and blue, red for the titles, dates and headings, and blue for the information). She kept rubbing the pen quickly across her page. It made a peculiar sound, due to the friction, and for some reason I was in stitches laughing from it. And when I laugh, Pixie laughs. And don’t even get me started on her snort, I swear to god.
And that’s the only fun thing I remember we did together that night.
After a while, Mum had told Pixie to go to the shop, since we lived pretty central to everything (10 mins walk, max) , and one of the night owls were open.
I don’t remember what she asked Pixie to get, and whenever I ask she never tells me. I don’t know why.
She got her bag, her phone, and left. Simply left.
Since it’s a pretty short walk, she would usually be back soon. But she wasn’t. Which was unlike her. Very unlike her. Mum called her, texted her about five times, but no answer. We assumed her phone had died, but that was also out of the blue, since her phone is full charge literally 24/7.
It had been a long time. A very, very long time. What was supposed to be a short, 10-15 minute trip, had progressed into 30-40 minutes.
I, of course, although not wanting to admit it, began to worry. I thought she was lost, her sense of direction was terrible, (she even mistook the outside of my room for hers sometimes), and I guessed late, dark at night, her sense of direction would be even worse. But if she was lost, she would’ve called, or gone back to one of the local shops to call us, or a cab.
My mind obviously went to darker places, as I saw how panicked mum looked. We were stupid. I think we waited about 10 more minutes, the only sound being the tv, one of those stupid whole grain bread ads were playing (something that is very distinct in my memory too, from that night. I don’t understand why).
We left the house. To find her. The walk - which turned into a sprint almost - was honestly, one of the most terrible things I had done. The anticipation, my stomach had felt in knots. I knew something wasn’t right. And the darkness, the starless sky, added to that engulfing feeling. I expected to see Pixie at the night owl, sipping one of those $1 slushies we’d get after school together (blueberry and raspberry was her favourite) or adding credit to her phone. Maybe even talking to somebody she ran into. Something typical. Something Pixie would do to avoid coming home. But she wasn’t drinking a slushie. She wasn’t adding to her phone. And she definitely, was not talking to anybody.
Before everything went a blur, before the pain that caused weeks of school off, before the migraines, before the excessive crying, before the panic attacks, the blue and red lights were the last thing I saw, before everything I ever knew, changed in an instant.
Blue and red, blue and red, blue and red. The colours were painful. Almost as painful as seeing your own sister mangled between a car and a utility pole. And almost as painful watching your mum make the decision to turn your sister’s life support off.

My sister was going to be a nurse. She was going to help people, make people feel better, but most importantly, she was going to save lives. Do you know who helped her with the decision of wanting to be a nurse? Her best friend, and my best friend, @KendraHawk. She was going to save people. She was going to make the world a better place. She was going to bring life into the world, and be beside somebody when they shared their last breathe.
But she had to be the one to go. She had to be taken out of this world. A sweet, kind, beautiful girl. Had to be snatched away from me. Away from her life. Away from her future. Away from her dreams. She wasn’t ordinary, far from it. So I don’t know why she’s gone. Why she had to leave, so so incredibly early. It kills me. It hurts me. I’ll never forgive. I’ll never understand why. It hurts me so much I don’t think it’s possible. Why? Just why.

The thing that kills me, is that I don’t remember if I said goodbye or not. You don’t understand how that eats me up at night, not knowing whether I said goodbye to her or ignored her. And it was her last moment. It hurts. It hurts a lot. That’s an understatement even. Definitely an understatement. But don’t pity me, don’t feel sorry for me. I’m not worth your time.

Please, if you care about her, don’t reply with a simple “RIP” and be on your way.
She’s not dead. She’s gone, but she’s not dead, and she will never be dead. She’s alive, in my head, my heart. I hear her. I love her. I’ve always loved her.

I love you Pixie. And I always will. You helped me, from day one. You were always there for me, although I pushed you away, or tried to at least. You were the one, who supported my dreams when others belittled me, and did not. You came with me everywhere. You helped me with my highschool uniform. I’m in grade eight now, in highschool. I made it through my first year, it’s not so bad. The scary English teacher you told me about, loves me. I got exemplary marks from her. I even got a red rose off of a boy at Valentines. I even got another A+. I’m getting an award next term. This wouldn’t be possible, if you hadn’t of helped me with my uniform, my schoolbooks, my everything. I hope you’re proud of me. I’d write more, but pouring my emotions into a pixelated document is pointless. But I’ll keep writing, in your schoolbooks, I promise. I love you to the death. And we will meet again. I promise, I cross my heart. I love you. I love you. I love you so much. I would do anything for you. I hope you’re proud of me.

Pixie loves all of you. But she especially loves Kendra. Kendra, if you read this, I’m sorry for telling you what happened so immaturely. I was in pain, and you were the only one I could trust. I thank you for taking the time. I love you, Kendra. So much. Thank you. Thank you.

I love you, Pixie. My sister. My shoulder to cry on. My best friend. I can’t wait to see you, decades from now. I love you.

This is just one last message.

Goodbye BrokenLens, for good this time.

- Phoenix.
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Unfortunately, I wasn’t here when pixie was so I didn’t get the chance to meet her.

My heart is breaking just reading your messages, but the amount of strength you had to post this is amazing.
Your love for her was, and forever will be there but it’s absolutely beautiful and I’m sure she was too.
I would sit here a write a great message on her, but I wasn’t able to meet her so I don’t think I have a place here.

But I am here to say, I hope you’ll be able to stay strong c:
You have my heart with you, may god bless you and your family ♡

Fly high pixie, you’ll forever live on in our hearts.
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God, I don't know what to say to this. I didn't meet Pixie or see her on the forums, most probably because I joined recently, but I can clearly see how emotionally an impact she was on people, judging from their messages on here. I don't know if I should be replying here in any way, but this was heartbreaking to read, as I can sense how much people loved her as a person and presence, and how she had helped people.

Anyway, I wish you the best, and hope that you can stay strong throughout this horrible thing that has happened.

I'm sorry, even though I didn't really know her.

~A
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Phoenix, nobody here will ever forget you or your sister; both of you changed this community forever. You shaped this place in a way that no one else could.

I can't begin to fathom what you must be going through and obviously I, and everyone else on here, never knew her like you did. But simply from talking to her across the Internet where it's impossible to truly convey emotions and easy to hide them, it was easy to tell that she was as close to perfect as any human could ever dream of being. I couldn't name a flaw even if I tried. And that should inspire us all to be kinder, more patient, more inspirational people. To be more like her.

I feel as if I should write more, but I don't know what to say. The sheer number of messages in this thread speaks for itself about the impact she had on people's lives.

Also, something else that I should have said a long time ago - I'm sorry, Phoenix. For the way I sometimes treated you. I didn't have nearly as much respect for you as I should've had. The fact that you had the courage to share this story with the world, the fact that you're still standing, that you made it through your first year of high school, that you got another A+, all of the things you said… that's brilliant. And that's amazing, and that's inspiring. So, honestly, thank you. Thank you for being an inspiration. I hope you accomplish all of your dreams.
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