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Insert jokes here!

Damn are you a smoke detector cause you're annoying and won't shut the hell up.
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I was at the bank the other day, and an elderly woman asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over
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Joke One:
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

Joke Two:
A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?”
"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"

Joke Three:
Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

Joke Four:
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. ‘This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.’ The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, ‘Which do you want, son?’ The boy takes the quarters and leaves. ‘What did I tell you?’ said the barber. ‘That kid never learns!’ Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. ‘Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?’ The boy licked his cone and replied, ‘Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!’

I hope they made you laugh! ;)
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Why can't a bicycle stand on it's own?
Cos it was two-tired. images (23).jpg
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I know this isn't really a joke, but yeah.
A boy who didn't know English because he came from another country went to an English school...So on the first day of school, in class, someone came up to him and said he's "stupid" because he doesn't know English, and of course, he didn't know what he said. xD.
Second day of school, after school, xD he watched a TV show and saw one of the characters had said "SUPER MAN!". xD
Third day of school, he saw a guy say to a girl before walking into the bus saying, "ladies first.".
Fourth day of school, the teacher wanted an answer in English class, the boy raised his hand and said, "Stupid!".The teacher said, "Who do you think you are to say that to the teacher".He replied, "SUPERMAN!".After that, the teacher said, "Get out of my classroom please, I don't want any sillly students!".The boy said "Ladies first". xDD So basically he meant that the teacher had to go outside. xD I know this isn't funny, but sounds silly.
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Laura_Aria said:
I know this isn't really a joke, but yeah.
A boy who didn't know English because he came from another country went to an English school...So on the first day of school, in class, someone came up to him and said he's "stupid" because he doesn't know English, and of course, he didn't know what he said. xD.
Second day of school, after school, xD he watched a TV show and saw one of the characters had said "SUPER MAN!". xD
Third day of school, he saw a guy say to a girl before walking into the bus saying, "ladies first.".
Fourth day of school, the teacher wanted an answer in English class, the boy raised his hand and said, "Stupid!".The teacher said, "Who do you think you are to say that to the teacher".He replied, "SUPERMAN!".After that, the teacher said, "Get out of my classroom please, I don't want any sillly students!".The boy said "Ladies first". xDD So basically he meant that the teacher had to go outside. xD I know this isn't funny, but sounds silly.
Click to expand...
There is simillar Lithuanian anecdote , having almost the simillar line lol.
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Umm that's kinda curious.. and amazed at the same time btw tho of course it's going be similar then it's original line? idk how to explain but I will say that's good joke and amazing passion
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(Marriage)
Honey can we get married? (Wife)
(Husband) Sure honey! Any time!
(Wife) NOW!!!
(Husband) (bends down)
(Wife) OMG
(Husband) Ties shoelace
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Can I tell racist jokes? Cause if I don't, my jokes sucks.

Non racist joke: What did the Indian Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Sea you later!
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