I need ur opinion

XxFlora_lanexX

XxFlora_lanexX

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I’m writing a story for a class project the subject is depression, iv never suffered from this so I wanted peoples opinions for ma story:

I’m a girl called Emmaline, I’m 13 years of age, I have brown hair and brown eyes and pale white skin. People know me as a cheerful happy person, but behind my joyful personality I’m breaking inside. I’m alone and empty in my world of emotions, I’m trapped in myself, I can’t escape my thoughts. You see I have depression, not a day goes by when I don’t think of dying. Death seems to be the answer to my suffering, I put on a good act around people. People class me as the happy type, but really I get no joy in life. I feel as if walls are closing in on me, I cry myself to sleep every night. I cut myself privately aswell, it seems to take my thoughts off my mind and focuses on the physical pain. I’d prefer to see blood dribble down my arm then being confined in my deep and dark thoughts. My thoughts are an ocean of dispear, I drown myself in them. Iv come to view death as a friend, no one ever understands my inner most thoughts. I want to die.... from XxFlora_lanexX. Thx for reading ^-^
 
That was pretty good but I have a few erm... tips? Facts? Not sure what to call it

As someone with depression, it’s not always about feeling like dying. It’s sometimes a feeling of nothing, like you’re numb. An overwhelming sadness that can come from something small, or even nothing at all.

You did well with the thoughts, as those are very overwhelming. Times of peace are when the mind calms and you don’t think.

There are other ways to get rid of such thoughts, music, art, etc. not just self harm. Self harm is the more extreme, and is usually to focus on the physical, not the mental. (Another thing you got pretty well)

Sorry this came out to be a lot, I hope some of this is of any use. I did enjoy reading it though. If you wanna know more, you can certainly ask me.
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Icy_Hatake said:
That was pretty good but I have a few erm... tips? Facts? Not sure what to call it

As someone with depression, it’s not always about feeling like dying. It’s sometimes a feeling of nothing, like you’re numb. An overwhelming sadness that can come from something small, or even nothing at all.

You did well with the thoughts, as those are very overwhelming. Times of peace are when the mind calms and you don’t think.

There are other ways to get rid of such thoughts, music, art, etc. not just self harm. Self harm is the more extreme, and is usually to focus on the physical, not the mental. (Another thing you got pretty well)

Sorry this came out to be a lot, I hope some of this is of any use. I did enjoy reading it though. If you wanna know more, you can certainly ask me.
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Thank you :3 I’ll keep ur comment in mind...
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XxFlora_LanexX said:
I’m writing a story for a class project the subject is depression, iv never suffered from this so I wanted peoples opinions for ma story:

I’m a girl called Emmaline, I’m 13 years of age, I have brown hair and brown eyes and pale white skin. People know me as a cheerful happy person, but behind my joyful personality I’m breaking inside. I’m alone and empty in my world of emotions, I’m trapped in myself, I can’t escape my thoughts. You see I have depression, not a day goes by when I don’t think of dying. Death seems to be the answer to my suffering, I put on a good act around people. People class me as the happy type, but really I get no joy in life. I feel as if walls are closing in on me, I cry myself to sleep every night. I cut myself privately aswell, it seems to take my thoughts off my mind and focuses on the physical pain. I’d prefer to see blood dribble down my arm then being confined in my deep and dark thoughts. My thoughts are an ocean of dispear, I drown myself in them. Iv come to view death as a friend, no one ever understands my inner most thoughts. I want to die.... from XxFlora_lanexX. Thx for reading ^-^
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I'll do some rephrasing and possibly cut some unnecessary things out. This is just my personal opinion on what seems good so don't think I'm an English teacher

Rephrased:
I'm a girl named Emmaline and I'm 13 years old. I have brown hair, brown eyes, and pale white skin. People know me as a cheerful and joyful person, but this is a facade and I'm crippling inside. I'm alone and trapped in my own empty and inescapable world of emotions and thoughts. You see, I have depression; a symptom where I am persistently feeling sad or persistently wanting to die. Death is the answer to this suffering I feel. I feel like walls close in on me, I cry myself to sleep, and cut myself privately only because it reverts focus to physical pain. My thoughts are like an ocean of despair, I drown myself in them. I've viewed death as a friend since no one understands my inner thoughts. I want to die from...

...XxFlora_LanexX
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depression isn't just wanting to die

it's this feeling where you feel like you're never enough
it's this feeling where you can't think of anything except a tiny mistake you've done
it's feeling numb, as if you can't think of or feel anything properly or you don't know how to deal with even the simplest of actions
it's when you feel like you can't even cry anymore even not only do you have no more tears to cry, you keep asking yourself what's the use?

also, depression isn't just sadness; you feel all sorts of emotion - anger, anxiety, frustration, and sometimes you just want to.. scream.

also unless it's required then don't just outright say that the main character suffers from depression. show not tell. it'll make the story much more interesting to read.
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Iv never suffered from depression, so I don’t really know what it feels like.. but I appreciate all your comments, I’ll keep them in mind for when I rewrite it. Thank you to everyone for giving me another outlook on what depression really is like. It seems really deep and serious, I agree with everyone’s comments. Because iv never felt it ,_, thank you all!
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Depression is mostly like how u feel alone and dissapointed in urself and blah blah blahahahhahahha
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XxFlora_LanexX said:
I’m writing a story for a class project the subject is depression, iv never suffered from this so I wanted peoples opinions for ma story:

I’m a girl called Emmaline, I’m 13 years of age, I have brown hair and brown eyes and pale white skin. People know me as a cheerful happy person, but behind my joyful personality I’m breaking inside. I’m alone and empty in my world of emotions, I’m trapped in myself, I can’t escape my thoughts. You see I have depression, not a day goes by when I don’t think of dying. Death seems to be the answer to my suffering, I put on a good act around people. People class me as the happy type, but really I get no joy in life. I feel as if walls are closing in on me, I cry myself to sleep every night. I cut myself privately aswell, it seems to take my thoughts off my mind and focuses on the physical pain. I’d prefer to see blood dribble down my arm then being confined in my deep and dark thoughts. My thoughts are an ocean of dispear, I drown myself in them. Iv come to view death as a friend, no one ever understands my inner most thoughts. I want to die.... from XxFlora_lanexX. Thx for reading ^-^
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Well this was a little depressing. Good luck on the class project though!
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