Brokenronpa introduction #1 1/5 xD

[Phoe]

My name is Lauren, I got invited to a school called BrokenLens academy, I got invited as ultimate Defence attorney, just because I defended my family and found the murderer in court.
As I entered the school gate my head swirled and I fell on the ground, unconscious.


I wake up in a room with 15 other people around my age, the room looked like a classroom, but if it got in an 'accident', there was also a small cat plush at where the teachers desk would be,
It was half white and black, its eyes, are like something I never seen before...
one looked empty as if it had no soul, while the other drew you in when you stare at it.


I look around, and spot a kind looking boy with vibrant blue hair swept to the side, wearing a kitty hoodie with a blue shirt.
The boy notices you back and comes over .
"HOII, my name is Shian Snoflak, but my friends call me Phoenix, my talent is something, I don't have to tell you" he exclaimes
"Hi, I'm the ultimate defense attorney, My name's Lauren" I reply
The blue haired boy says,
"Like the defence attorney from Phoenix Wright ace attorney?"
His eyes lights up like light bulbs, being curious to know the answer but I had no clue what he was talking about...
"Phoenix Wright? Ace attorney..?"
His face turned into a dreadful despair as if he gave up on humanity, and walked away.


I sat down to the nearest chair and a girl with black hair, as if she was a emo was looking at me and then glared at phoenix, I was curious if she listened on to our conversation, she comes over towards me.
"I...apologise that he acts like that,"
She throws her paint brush at him
"My name is liloudii but, call me Lil for short, My talent is ultimate Drawer."
I answer in response
"H, I'm the ultimate defense attorney, My name's Lauren"
"Nice to meet you" the Liloudii said.


A girl with a green and white panda bumped over me and fell.
I get her hand and helps her up,
"Are you good?" I ask sincerely
"Yes!" The mature looking girl said rubbing her head in embarrassment.
"Hi, I'm the ultimate defense attorney, my name's Lauren. What is your name?" I ask
"HellOoOoo~! Im Pandee Death but ya can call me Pandee! I love to craft toys! so, Im the ultimate toy maker nice to meetcha!" she replys with enthusiasm

 

[Shive]

My name is Lauren, I got invited to a school called BrokenLens academy, I got invited as ultimate Defence attorney, just because I defended my family and found the murderer in court.
As I entered the school my head swirled and I fell on the ground, unconscious.


I woke up in a room with 15 other people around my age, the room looked like a classroom, but if it got in an 'accident', there was also a small plush at where the teachers desk would be,
It was half white and black, its eyes, are like something I never seen before...
one looked empty as if it had no soul, while the other drew you in when you stared.


I looked around, and spot a kind looking boy with vibrant blue hair swept to the side, wearing a kitty hoodie with a blue shirt.
The boy noticed you back and came over .
"HOII, my name is Shian Snoflak, but my friends call me Phoenix, my talent is something I shalt not tell you" he exclaimed
"Hi, I'm the ultimate defense attorney, My name's Lauren" I replied
The blue haired boy said,
"Like the defence attorney from Phoenix Wright ace attorney?"
His eyes light up like light bulbs, being curious to know the answer but I had no clue what he was talking about
"Phoenix Wright? Ace attorney..?"
His face turned into a dreadful despair as if he gave up on humanity, and walked away.


I sat down to the nearest chair and a girl with black hair, as if she was a emo was looking at me and then glared at phoenix, I was curious if she listened on to our conversation, she came over.
"I...apologise that he acts like that,"
She threw her paint brush at him
"My name is liloudii but, call me Lil for short, My talent is ultimate Drawer."
I answered in response
"H, I'm the ultimate defense attorney, My name's Lauren"
"Nice to meet you" the Liloudii said.


A girl with a green and white panda bumped over me and fell.
I pushed her off me and picked her up,
"Are you good?" I asked sincerely
"Yes!" The mature looking girl said rubbing her head in embarrassment.
"Hi, I'm the ultimate defense attorney, my name's Lauren. What is your name?" I asked
"HellOoOoo~! Im Pandee Death but ya can call me Pandee! I love to craft toys! so, Im the ultimate toy maker nice to meetcha!" she replied in enthusiasm

Nice story! Keep in up

View reply.

 

[HermioneJG]

Nice writing, but maybe watch out for your punctuation and sometimes your tense and POV. At one point you switched to first person for a sentence, and you switched to present tense a couple times. Still, it's good Phoe ^_^ Can't wait for the next part

View reply.

 

[~Ang~]

I bet strel will be da ultimate fire poopy.

View reply.

 

[GLXC_AUS]

Cool story.​

View reply.

 

[Phoe]

Nice writing, but maybe watch out for your punctuation and sometimes your tense and POV. At one point you switched to first person for a sentence, and you switched to present tense a couple times. Still, it's good Phoe ^_^ Can't wait for the next part

I'll fix dat now

View reply.

 

[Gabriel7w7]

Lauren is always the victim, very good story.

View reply.

 

[seacosmos]

Woahh :0 That's amazing Maybe work on your punctuation like Hermione said.

Lauren is always the victim, very good story.

DON'T GIVE HIM IDEAS ;-;

View reply.

 

[StarRaidz]

My name is Lauren, I got invited to a school called BrokenLens academy, I got invited as ultimate Defence attorney, just because I defended my family and found the murderer in court.
As I entered the school gate my head swirled and I fell on the ground, unconscious.


I wake up in a room with 15 other people around my age, the room looked like a classroom, but if it got in an 'accident', there was also a small cat plush at where the teachers desk would be,
It was half white and black, its eyes, are like something I never seen before...
one looked empty as if it had no soul, while the other drew you in when you stare at it.


I look around, and spot a kind looking boy with vibrant blue hair swept to the side, wearing a kitty hoodie with a blue shirt.
The boy notices you back and comes over .
"HOII, my name is Shian Snoflak, but my friends call me Phoenix, my talent is something, I don't have to tell you" he exclaimes
"Hi, I'm the ultimate defense attorney, My name's Lauren" I reply
The blue haired boy says,
"Like the defence attorney from Phoenix Wright ace attorney?"
His eyes lights up like light bulbs, being curious to know the answer but I had no clue what he was talking about...
"Phoenix Wright? Ace attorney..?"
His face turned into a dreadful despair as if he gave up on humanity, and walked away.


I sat down to the nearest chair and a girl with black hair, as if she was a emo was looking at me and then glared at phoenix, I was curious if she listened on to our conversation, she comes over towards me.
"I...apologise that he acts like that,"
She throws her paint brush at him
"My name is liloudii but, call me Lil for short, My talent is ultimate Drawer."
I answer in response
"H, I'm the ultimate defense attorney, My name's Lauren"
"Nice to meet you" the Liloudii said.


A girl with a green and white panda bumped over me and fell.
I get her hand and helps her up,
"Are you good?" I ask sincerely
"Yes!" The mature looking girl said rubbing her head in embarrassment.
"Hi, I'm the ultimate defense attorney, my name's Lauren. What is your name?" I ask
"HellOoOoo~! Im Pandee Death but ya can call me Pandee! I love to craft toys! so, Im the ultimate toy maker nice to meetcha!" she replys with enthusiasm

So lauren is a girl who has the luck ability. Can't wait for the next part. Keep up the good work.

View reply.

 

[deleted_user_19610]

Its too short ;-;

View reply.

 

[Monkeysgt]

My name is Lauren, I got invited to a school called BrokenLens academy, I got invited as ultimate Defence attorney, just because I defended my family and found the murderer in court.
As I entered the school gate my head swirled and I fell on the ground, unconscious.


I wake up in a room with 15 other people around my age, the room looked like a classroom, but if it got in an 'accident', there was also a small cat plush at where the teachers desk would be,
It was half white and black, its eyes, are like something I never seen before...
one looked empty as if it had no soul, while the other drew you in when you stare at it.


I look around, and spot a kind looking boy with vibrant blue hair swept to the side, wearing a kitty hoodie with a blue shirt.
The boy notices you back and comes over .
"HOII, my name is Shian Snoflak, but my friends call me Phoenix, my talent is something, I don't have to tell you" he exclaimes
"Hi, I'm the ultimate defense attorney, My name's Lauren" I reply
The blue haired boy says,
"Like the defence attorney from Phoenix Wright ace attorney?"
His eyes lights up like light bulbs, being curious to know the answer but I had no clue what he was talking about...
"Phoenix Wright? Ace attorney..?"
His face turned into a dreadful despair as if he gave up on humanity, and walked away.


I sat down to the nearest chair and a girl with black hair, as if she was a emo was looking at me and then glared at phoenix, I was curious if she listened on to our conversation, she comes over towards me.
"I...apologise that he acts like that,"
She throws her paint brush at him
"My name is liloudii but, call me Lil for short, My talent is ultimate Drawer."
I answer in response
"H, I'm the ultimate defense attorney, My name's Lauren"
"Nice to meet you" the Liloudii said.


A girl with a green and white panda bumped over me and fell.
I get her hand and helps her up,
"Are you good?" I ask sincerely
"Yes!" The mature looking girl said rubbing her head in embarrassment.
"Hi, I'm the ultimate defense attorney, my name's Lauren. What is your name?" I ask
"HellOoOoo~! Im Pandee Death but ya can call me Pandee! I love to craft toys! so, Im the ultimate toy maker nice to meetcha!" she replys with enthusiasm

Add me I can talk to monkeysXD

View reply.

 

[Fheonix]

Nice story

View reply.

 

[Pandeee]

Omg YESSS this is awesome!

View reply.

 

[Phoe]

Add me I can talk to monkeysXD

No

View reply.

 

[Phoe]

Its too short ;-;

This is just 1/5 of the intro, I'll add it all into one thread later

View reply.

 

[Phoe]

So lauren is a girl who has the luck ability. Can't wait for the next part. Keep up the good work.

No she's a defence attorney like shuiivhi from dngnrnpa 3 has detective

View reply.

 

[Phoe]

Woahh :0 That's amazing Maybe work on your punctuation like Hermione said.


DON'T GIVE HIM IDEAS ;-;

I was gonna ask so u for edit help, but your busy with your own story

View reply.

 

[deleted_user_19610]

This is just 1/5 of the intro, I'll add it all into one thread later

Ok ;-;

View reply.

 

[StarRaidz]

No she's a defence attorney like shuiivhi from dngnrnpa 3 has detective

Isn't that the girl whom suppose to be mysterious.

View reply.

 

[Phoe]

Isn't that the girl whom suppose to be mysterious.

That's kirigiri danganronpa 1

View reply.