it made it all so real. it brought it all back again. all of the memories. all of the lost hope. all of the pain, the pain of losing. you. you were so kind, too kind. the world didn't deserve you.
i sobbed so much when they showed.. the pictures.. of you. it destroyed me to see you there so lifeless. not smiling, not bubbly, not moving. i'm sorry. i'm always going to be sorry.
i wish you realised that the people around you didn't care, i wish you were with people who loved you and could have prevented your death from happening. i wish you knew that before it was too late.
every time i think of you, i think of your face, your smile, your personality. i think of the innocence and kindness you carried with you. and it breaks me, gus. it hurts me so bad. you didn't deserve to die. i want you back so badly.
in the documentary, liza mentioned that in high school that student's parents wouldn't let their children hang out with you. and you cried over it. that shatters my heart into a thousand pieces.
and i'll always be thankful for everybody's everything too, for bringing closure to me and letting me grasp acceptance of your passing. i hope you're resting easy, gus.
thank you for allowing me to fit in somewhere when i felt so rejected from the places all around me. your music carried me through so much, and for that i'll always be grateful.
i'm not actually that positive. but people wouldn't know unless they cared enough to stay when i'm not. a lot of people on here just tend to ignore that because they can't be bothered to deal with me
but i appreciate the concern, ben, you're an amazing person and a great friend. <33
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