BrokenLens Forums

I fully cannot believe that you've been gone for so long. One year flew by so, so, so quickly. Before I know it, it's going to be two years. Then, three. That makes me so sad.

I don't want to say the saddest part of it all. I know it, but I don't know who else does. It's that... I'm forgetting you. Not, like, you as a person, but the little things.

Things, like, your favourite colour. Your favourite TV show or movie. Your favourite book genre. The way you typed. How quickly you replied to my messages. Your personality.

And once I've forgotten all of those, what else is there to remember? I don't know what you sound like. I don't know what you look like. I don't know what your laugh sounds like. I don't know what it feels like to be hugged by you. And now.. now I never will. Moments, when I think about those stuff, just make me want to cry forever.

And now I'm sobbing, I always do whenever I think about you. Which, trust me, is a lot. I'm always thinking about you. I sometimes wish I wasn't.

I just wish that I could get back all the times it slipped my mind, to mention how much I love you. How much I need you.

Sometimes, I feel like, losing you made me grow up too quickly, in a way. Like, I was forced to act mature, because that's how I handle every bad situation. I act tough and strong, like it doesn't bother me. Like nothing bothers me. But I'm human. And so it does.

I always thought you'd be with me forever. That you'd grow grow old with me. You said you would. And I'm sorry and ashamed and disgusted with myself, to say that I'm jealous. Of you. I'm jealous of you.

I'm jealous that you're safe now. I'm jealous that you're happy. That you're happy, without me. I'm jealous that you're probably fine without me.