Ruining your favorite childhood songs 2: Jingle Bells feat. @_HamTastic_

ilikethaifood

ilikethaifood

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written by @_HamTastic_


crashing through the snow on a pair of broken skis down the hills we go screaming all the way AAAAAAA
the snow is turning red i think im almost dead i’ll wake up in the hospital with stitches in my end oh~

911 911 please take me aWAY
oH HOW FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN THE AMBULANCE ALL DAY (AYE!)
911 911 pLease take me away
oH HOW FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN THE AMBULANCE ALL DAY
 
ilikethaifood said:
you*
Click to expand...
Bop quickly ran up to Thai, and whipped out his trident. Thai barely dodges the trident, and is backed into a wall. Bop kicks Thai in the stomach and almost stabs him. Thai jumps out of the way as Bop impales the trident into the wall. Thai runs down the ally, but Bop’s shoulder mounted machine gun fires at Thai. Thai is hit once but manages to get out. Bop activates his jetpack and turns on his radar system. He finds Thai and hits the floor running. Thai brings out a bow and shoots a single arrow. It simply breaks as Bop brings up his ray shield. Thai turns to run again but Bop shoots a grappling hook. Bop reels Thai in and quickly beheads him.
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BopI said:
Bop quickly ran up to Thai, and whipped out his trident. Thai barely dodges the trident, and is backed into a wall.
Click to expand...
Remove all commas

BopI said:
shoulder mounted
Click to expand...
Add a hyphen

BopI said:
Bop quickly ran up to Thai, and whipped out his trident. Thai barely dodges the trident, and is backed into a wall. Bop kicks Thai in the stomach and almost stabs him. Thai jumps out of the way as Bop impales the trident into the wall. Thai runs down the ally, but Bop’s shoulder mounted machine gun fires at Thai. Thai is hit once but manages to get out. Bop activates his jetpack and turns on his radar system. He finds Thai and hits the floor running. Thai brings out a bow and shoots a single arrow. It simply breaks as Bop brings up his ray shield. Thai turns to run again but Bop shoots a grappling hook. Bop reels Thai in and quickly beheads him.
Click to expand...

Use more pronouns like "he" or "his", as you overused "Bop" and "Thai" way too much. Also, you switched from the past to the present tense at the beginning of this paragraph.

Here I'll be nice and even rewrite this entire paragraph for you:

Bop quickly runs up to Thai and whips out his trident. Thai barely dodges the trident and is backed into a wall. Bop kicks Thai in the stomach and almost stabs him. Thai jumps out of the way as Bop impales the trident into the wall. He runs down the ally, but Bop’s shoulder-mounted machine gun fires at him. Thai is hit once but manages to get out. Bop activates his jetpack and turns on his radar system. He finds Thai and hits the floor running. Thai brings out a bow and shoots a single arrow. It simply breaks as Bop brings up his ray shield. Thai turns to run again but Bop shoots a grappling hook. He reels Thai in and quickly beheads him.
View reply.
 
ilikethaifood said:
Remove all commas


Add a hyphen



Use more pronouns like "he" or "his", as you overused "Bop" and "Thai" way too much. Also, you switched from the past to the present tense at the beginning of this paragraph.

Here I'll be nice and even rewrite this entire paragraph for you:

Bop quickly runs up to Thai and whips out his trident. Thai barely dodges the trident and is backed into a wall. Bop kicks Thai in the stomach and almost stabs him. Thai jumps out of the way as Bop impales the trident into the wall. He runs down the ally, but Bop’s shoulder-mounted machine gun fires at him. Thai is hit once but manages to get out. Bop activates his jetpack and turns on his radar system. He finds Thai and hits the floor running. Thai brings out a bow and shoots a single arrow. It simply breaks as Bop brings up his ray shield. Thai turns to run again but Bop shoots a grappling hook. He reels Thai in and quickly beheads him.
Click to expand...
The Finale’s main cannons turn to fire at Thai. The guns fire, and Thai is dead.
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ilikethaifood said:
Remove the comma

In short: GET GRAMMARLY IT'S FREE IT TAKES LIKE LESS THAN 7 CLICKS TO ADD AS AN EXTENSION
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03FE0161-CA88-4778-8C28-8387CA4430EB.jpeg
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ilikethaifood said:
Remove the comma

In short: GET GRAMMARLY IT'S FREE IT TAKES LIKE LESS THAN 7 CLICKS TO ADD AS AN EXTENSION
Click to expand...
You’re kind of over-reacting lol
EDIT: OH DAMN I FORGOT THAT OVERREACTING IS ONE WORD. OH MY, SUCH A MONSTROSITY. GOOD THING I CAUGHT IT THOUGH
Edited post: You’re kind of overreacting lol.
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Anyways,

It’s raining, it’s pouring
The old man is snoring
He went to bed and broke his neck
And couldn’t wake up in the morning~
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